無題

夢見一個帶著吉他的白皙的美麗的少年，我們從一間鄉下小屋逃了出來，那裡有一個爸爸和兩個小兄弟要砍殺我們。跳上摩托車我們尋找從桃園回到台北的路。我騎車，他負責判斷方向，但是他卻錯地一蹋糊塗。在一條關鍵的岔路我看見舅媽牽著外婆走在路邊，她們給我指路。

後來，身後的男孩累了，很累很累，於是靠在我身後睡著了。（2010.5.15）

「你和我懷著莫名對人的眷戀，如積木般堆積負載著向前。」

你說，「歡迎來到這個世界。」一個月內你總有二十多天都如此感情濃烈。

「好折磨人，」我說。

一定很想找地方宣洩吧。於是你總赤裸裸地寫下在所有你喜歡的人跟前展開，可就怕嚇著人家。於是你後來選擇當了藝術家？讓感情緩而不斷地流進創作，等著哪天浪花打來，他們終將明白。##ReadMore##

我還是不太會下俐落的標題。標題這句話是在網路上不經意看到有人翻譯Mr. Children的Sign，想到這幾天發生的事，以及那天電話裡講的。但耳朵一直反覆在聽的其實是The XX的Basic Space：

It's a pool of boiling wax I'm getting in
Let it set
Got to seal this in
Can't adjust, can't relearn
Got to keep what I have, preserve
　　　我正在跳入的是一池滾燙的融蠟
　　　就讓它將我定著
　　　我要把回憶彌封
　　　不讓它變形，也不重新來過
　　　我要留著我所擁有的，珍藏

（不過有人說歌詞其實寫的是sex，anyway......）

Sentimental Kills

To You, 

I feel like to write you an email, hope you don't mind. It is really good not only to hear from you but to meet you. I always remember "じんせいはいちごいちえです." I think you taught me that, and when I recited it to Y, she cried and hugged me. ##ReadMore##

It is always weird to see someone you have met long time ago, and find he/she has changed though, you could still easily recognize him/her. Coz you have to know this person to some extent, but have lost him/her at the same time. That's how I feel about you. In one way you seem different from before coz you have set your life goal and focus on it, but in the other you are still naughty as before. You are naughty in a harmless way, not aggressive, but meanwhile remain sincere, and I think that's why I liked you, coz you can always make me laugh. 

I took out my journal of that time and read it when I arrived home. I did not write much, but I am kind of trapped in the memory and couldn't focus on my thesis writing for two days - which is very annoying. It seems a little bit silly to write you the short 手紙 at that time（笑）, but I am glad I did coz at least I was upfront about my feelings. But I have to say sorry if it had ever bothered or hurt you. 

You know what, it is funny that when I thought I have forgot everything but in fact I haven't. I read the journal, and things become vivid, much vivider than I expect.

It's really awesome to see you and to know you are 元気. 
Take care and stay cool. : )

Love

誠實≠任性而為

Quotes from (500) Days of Summer : 


「你那天應該告訴我求婚的事。」

「那時候他還沒提。」

「那你應該告訴我他已經在你生命中了。」

「……」

「那天為什麼還和我跳舞？」

「因為我想和你跳舞。」

「你總是想做什麼就去做，對吧。」##ReadMore##

───────────────────

「她有腳踏兩條船嗎？」

（搖頭）

「她有占你任何便宜嗎？」

（搖頭）

「然後她在一開始就跟你說了，她不是認真的。」

（點頭）

「那你確定是她傷了你的感情，還是是你自己傷了自己。」

───────────────────

「我完全不懂。為什麼你不想要當任何人的女朋友，現在卻成了某人的太太。」

「某天早上醒來我就知道了。」

「我就是不懂怎麼可能這樣。」

「因為我知道你給我的不確定感是什麼了。」

───────────────────

「I know you think she is the one. But I don't.」

   Summer is a character who is very independent, and very modern.
   I think that she is very upfront about her feelings which is what allows her to be redeemed from, you know, what you kind of want,as an audience, her to do.
   She is very honest.
   I think the thing about Tom and Summer, they represent a place that I think most people in their lives get to where, you are with a person, that is the person before the person you are meant to be with.
   And there is a romance to that.
   One person wants to be in a relationship, but the other person doesn't.
   I think everybody has been a Tom, and everybody has been a Summer.
   Summer is the type of person who could be misunderstood. I am very attracted to that in the character. I like to play the character who on a pitch could be seem as unlikable or unsympathetic. But I felt like she was very sympathetic...
   Tom is a character who attaches very easily to the romantic cliche as a movie. Summer is a person who rejects them. And I think real life is somewhere in between those two things.
   There are all people like these. They are all sensitive. There are a lot of sensitive guys, and you don't see them very often in the movies, unless they are suicidal. I mean you don't see this part of the relationship. I do really like this script.
   It is romantic.

左邊

我很驕傲的。
在你打給我之前，我是不會撥電話給你的。

心情難過的那些晚上，
我會把手機關掉。睡覺。
假裝是你找不到我好過發現原來你沒找我
因為我很驕傲。

所以我也學不會撒嬌，擬不來憤怒失控，
哭還要是沖澡的時候用蓮蓬頭來做偽裝，衛生紙也不用到一張。

Always For You

  
我好想大聲唱Album Leaf的這首歌給家人！
真的是用情至深的一首好歌。好催淚。

用自己的意思翻譯。翻譯的好爛，管它的。

In the air I flew
Through the clouds I fall
Through the country I've walked
In front of temples I've stood
Before the ocean I pray
And I said your name##ReadMore##

In the air I flew
Through the clouds I fall

　　　　在我展翅的天空中

　　　　在我墮落時穿透的雲層裡

　　　　在曾經雙腳踩踏的土地上

　　　　在佇足停留的寺廟前

　　　　和我虔誠祈禱的那片大海面前

　　　　我無時無刻不想著你們

And all the things I've tried to say
Were never easy to explain
They were always meant for you
　　　　那些這麼久以來我一直試著要告訴你們
　　　　但卻從未清楚解釋過的
　　　　它們其實全都是為了你們

And all the memories that were made
For years and years
I've chased this day
They were always for you
Always for you
　　　　這麼多年來我們在一起的點點滴滴
　　　　我現在開始要緊緊追著它們
　　　　我會一直為了你們把這些記憶保存好，一直一直

In the air I breath
Through the clouds I see
Through the cities I've walk
In the castles I dreamed
On the mountain I climb
When I call your name
In the air I flew
Through the clouds I've fell
　　　　在我呼吸的空氣中
　　　　在我視線穿透的雲層裡
　　　　在雙腳踩踏過的城市
　　　　在夢中的城堡
　　　　在我征服過的山頭上
　　　　我無時無刻不想著你們

And all the things I've tried to change
Were never easy to contain
They were always meant for you
(always for you)
　　　　那些我一直試著要放下的習以為常
　　　　我卻無法抑制，它們不停湧現
　　　　這些原來全部都是為了你們，一直都是

And all the memories will never fade
For years and years
In my heart you'll stay
It was always for you
Always for you
Always for you
　　　　這些回憶大概永遠不會褪色了
　　　　即便好多年以後，我還是會這樣想起你們
　　　　永遠為了你們，一直一直

And all the pieces that remain
They will build a place for us to stay
They were always meant for you
(always for you)
　　　　我會用那些遺留下來的生活碎片
　　　　蓋起一間小房間，讓我們都住進去
　　　　這也是為了你們

And all the chances that we take
For years and years
We'll have this place
They were always for you
Always for you
　　　　我們都這樣試試看吧
　　　　這樣好多年好多年以後
　　　　我們就會擁有一個永遠屬於我們的地方

我也不知道我申請一個blog是幹什麼用的。

老實說，我真的不知道。

這個blog開開關關，也從來沒有對誰提起過這裡。今天又打開了，但並不特別為什麼。沒有要紀念的事，沒有要改變的生活（暫時），也沒有給自己種下那些名為期許的種子。大概還是本著儲藏堆疊為數極少的一時興起的瑣碎吧，改天開竅了也說不定。

開什麼竅？開作家的竅？當然這是不可能的，重新投胎可能還比較快些（笑）。只是想開個練習書寫我自己的竅而已。表達能力已是弱智的程度，都快成了啞巴。

一月中某天和Allen去漁人碼頭看河，看晚霞。我看到漁船劃過河面拉出兩條波紋，好優雅，不知為什麼讓我想到女人，想到性感，但嘴巴竟然只吐出：「看！線！」

這件事令我羞愧至今。